Back Attack

My wife asks me to rub her back, neck, or head almost on a daily basis. She will swear that this is not the case, but from the one giving out the rubdowns, I would say that on average I give at least three back rub per week. I don’t have a problem with giving her these massages as she works hard and this is the least I can do for the person I love.

When we were dating, it got so bad that I started to charge money for them. We had set up a payment schedule where she gave me a quarter every time she asked and I would give her a massage. This soon had to be reduced to a nickel as she was going broke giving me a quarter. Soon after, we moved to a barter system where we exchange “services.” I quickly lost count of how many of these “services” I am owed, but it is estimated at nearly a lifetime supply.

Did you know that over thirty million Americans have low back pain at any given time and that one-half of us admit to having back symptoms each year? The cost to care for this is estimated to be a staggering $50 Billion per year.

So why am I writing this? Today, I woke up with a backache and it hasn’t gotten any better as the day has progressed. I would be tempted to have my wife give me a back rub tonight, but she’s not a massage therapist. I’m not against the use of massage to cure a back, but I don’t have a lot of experience at getting these. You see, I’ve only had one massage in my life given to me by a professional. Get your minds out of the gutter… this “woman” could have broken slabs of concrete with her hands, and had the face and body to match her hands.

I don’t know why my back hurts today since when I went to bed last night it felt fine and when I woke up it hurt. It could have been my wife punching me in the back, or maybe it is time to turn over the mattress.

And now a bit of useless knowledge… the mattress was invented during the middle ages in the Middle East. During this period, the Arabic culture was more advanced than that of Europe. One thing that was enjoyed by the Arabs was sleeping on cushions thrown on the floor. The word mattress is derived from the Arabic word matrah, which means "place where something is thrown," "carpet or cushion." This kind of sleeping surface was adopted by the Europeans during the Crusades, and the Arabic word was morphed into Italian and then into French and later English.

This is what I found on the web… What Causes Back Pain? The back is a complicated structure of bones, joints, ligaments and muscles. You can sprain ligaments, strain muscles, rupture disks, and irritate joints, all of which can lead to back pain. While sports injuries or accidents can cause back pain, sometimes the simplest of movements—for example, picking up a pencil from the floor— can have painful results. In addition, arthritis, poor posture, obesity, and psychological stress can cause or complicate back pain. Back pain can also directly result from disease of the internal organs, such as kidney stones, kidney infections, blood clots, or bone loss.

1. Tips to Prevent Back Pain
2. Maintain a healthy diet and weight
3. Remain active
4. Avoid prolonged inactivity or bed rest Warm up or stretch before exercising or other physical activities, such as gardening
5. Maintain proper posture
6. Wear comfortable, low-heeled shoes
7. Sleep on a mattress of medium firmness to minimize any curve in your spine
8. Lift with your knees, keep the object close to your body, and do not twist when lifting
9. Quit smoking. Smoking impairs blood flow, resulting in oxygen and nutrient deprivation to spinal tissues
10. Ensure that your computer workstation is ergonomically correct

So class, what have we learned today?

1. Half of us don’t suffer from back pain
2. I don’t like manly females
3. The mattress was an invention of the Arabic Culture
4. Don’t pick up a pencil from the ground as it could hurt your back
   
   Schools out.

McDreamy or McSteamy

Alright then... I have grown to like Grey's Anatomy and my wife last week said something about "McSteamy". I thought who the heck is McSteamy... then I went online and there is this huge discussion over who is hotter. McDreamy or McSteamy.

So I leave it to you ladies... who is it?

I want to be like Mike

Do you people remember that advertising slogan from Gatorade? It features Michael Jordan with a few kids and the lyrics to a song said that these kids wanted to be like Mike (Michael Jordan).

Well it seems that my daughter is trying not to be like Mike, but is more and more wanting to be like her dad (yours truly).

A few years ago, she said that she wanted to be an engineer when she got older. Of course, I have no problems with this and think that engineering is a great field for a woman to be in.

Then she took up the trombone of all instruments. Take a guess who used to play that instrument when he was young... yep... yours truly again. Again, I have no problems with her playing this instrument.

This past year she started to express an interest in playing football for her school. When we went to the school orientation the athletic director for the school said that football was only for boys, which depressed her a little. But then a glimmer of light shown when the school activities for kids came to our house and it didn't list football as a boys only sport. She still wanted to join and was going to try out. My wife and I had a difficult situation on our hands. In one hand, we didn't want her to get hurt and the reaction from both her fellow girl and boy classmates would have been difficult to handle for her. On the other hand, we didn't want her to be limited by her gender and we've always said to her that she can be anything that she wants to become. So we agreed to let her try out. She never did try out as the day that the tryouts occurred it rained heavily and there was all kinds of mud to play in. So she decided that she didn't want to try out that day.

So her last attempt at being like dad is that she took a fall of her bike (probably doing something she wasn't supposed to do) and broke her collarbone. She is fine now and I am always amazed at how strong she is. In just under a week she is no longer taking any Tylenol and is more an more not wearing her splint.

I am of course flattered that she wants to be like me, but I hope that she does not try to grow a mustache like her dad.

Tech Support Funnies

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!