First Car... Part 1

It was the late 70’s and my parents had decided that I needed to get my drivers license. I jumped for joy as this would mean that they thought of me as an adult. Furthermore, I hoped that I would be able to use a car once in a while and drive to school instead of walking the three miles. Like a lot of football players back then, we had practice at during the week when everyone else was taking drivers education at school. Back then, everyone took drivers education at school.

So, my dad plunked down some hard earned monery to get me private drivers education… on the weekends. On Saturday, my dad drove me to the civic center for the first class. I looked around for a friendly face and saw a guy that I knew. I sat next to Joe and we listened intently to the instructor as he told us of the dangers of an automobile and how if we didn’t control the vehicle, we could kill ourselves and others. The class was about an hour long and at the end, we had to set up time with him to drive his special car so that we could learn how to drive. After class Joe and I talked about what was going to happen on the following Saturday.

I remember it as if it was yesterday… the following Saturday was a beautiful sonny fall morning. I walked up to the local dinner to where we where going to be picked up with a brown bag in my hand. There was Joe in front of “The Palace” with a brown bag at his side. I walked up to Joe put down my bag on the ground and said hi. A few minutes later one of the girls in the class walked up as she was teamed up with us for the instruction.

Mr. Allaluphe pulled up in his dark brown Mercury Montego and asked what we had in the bags. Joe and I said that we wanted to make sure that we wouldn’t kill ourselves, so we pulled out motorcycle helmets from the brown bags. We looked at the girl, who was now horrified as we asked her were hers' was? Mr. Allaluphe cracked a smile under his mustache, and asked us which one of us wise guys had driven before. I had, so I raised my hand and volunteered. He looked at me, nodded an approval and told me to get in.

I was going to jump into the passenger side but Mr. Allaluphe opened up the drives door... got out... and told me that I was going to actually drive in the street. I eased behind the steering wheel and went through the checklist… put on the seatbelt, adjust the seat, check the outside mirror, inside mirror, and put my hands at the ten and two positions. He sat into the passenger seat and looked relaxed. He reached for the radio and turned the volume way up. He smiled and said, “that since this was the way we were all going to drive anyway… we might as well get used to it.” I looked at him and he smiled back to me. I think this was payback for the helmet stunt.

I eased the gear selector to drive and looked behind me just to make sure that no one was coming in my blind spot. He said to get going so I stepped on the gas. We headed down the street and within a mile; he said to make a turn onto the freeway. He smiled back and said that we wouldn’t be able to get anywhere, if we didn’t get used to driving on the freeway. I accelerated and eased my way onto the freeway. I looked in the rear view mirror at Joe and he and the girl looked mortified. We drove like this for what seemed like an eternity as he sang off key with the radio. For the next hour, I drove around the city listening to AM’s Honey Radio. Honey Radio (I think it was 560 on the AM dial) was a oldies station that featured 50's and 60's music. We made a few stops while Mr. Allaluphe ran some errands. We went to the cleaners, library and got a newspaper at the magazine rack. He would occasionally make a comment on how to improve my driving skills, but for the most part the hour or so was uneventful.

Joe was the next to drive, as he had also driven before, we spent another hour on the road as he drove. Finally, it was the girls turn. She had never driven before, so we went to a side street to switch drivers. She got behind the wheel, went through the checklist and engaged the transmission. As she stepped on the accelerator, the car lunged forward in a herky-jerky motion. She eventually got the vehicle moving and Mr. Allaluphe was finally earning his keep. He kept giving the girl guidance while keeping the girl calm. At one point, he told the girl to make a left at the corner. She looked left and started to make the turn. He told her that in the future to look right and make sure that no one was coming from that direction as well. She quickly looked right but was still making the left, and she never let go of the steering wheel while doing this. Had it not been for Mr. Allaluphe stepping on the extra brake lever we would have run right into the oncoming traffic. I screamed, Joe screamed, and the girls screamed. I looked at Joe and he looked at me and we put on our helmets back on again. I’m sure that this forever scarred the girl’s confidence, but we weren’t going to take any chances.

The next week it was just Joe and I for our drive around town. We asked what happened to the girl, and he said that she was driving with a different group. We spent the next few Saturdays running around town before we were given our learners permits. He said that in a few weeks we should have the green light to take the drivers test.

I spent a few weeks driving with my dad in the passenger seat. My dad is one cool dude. Not cool as "The Fonz", but more in the Sean Connery's Bond mold. Nothing fazes the guy. He is the poster child for calm and collected. He doesn’t talk much, but he does not criticize how you do things either. He let’s you be your own man. He will give you advice, but ultimately he will let you make your own decisions. The best thing about him is that even though you make a bad decision, he will try to help you fix it if it needs it…. but that’s another story.

I took the drivers test at the Secretary of State office and luckily passed. To that point, it was one of my best days ever.

Art Appreciation

You may not recognize the name of this masterpiece, but I'm sure you've seen the side by side portrait. "American Gothic" was painted by Grant Wood in 1930. The actual house is located in Eldon, Iowa.

Wood wanted to depict the traditional roles of men and women as the man is holding a pitchfork symbolizing hand labor. Wood placed plants behind the woman to convey the image of a domestic housewife, though the artist had intended her to represent the farmer's unmarried daughter.

The models for the famous portrait of a farmer with a pitchfork and his unmarried daughter were Wood's dentist, Dr. Byron McKeeby, and Wood's sister, Nan. The original "American Gothic" hangs today in the Art Institute of Chicago.

It is one of the most reproduced and parodied painting ever. Many artists have replaced the two people with other known couples and replaced the house with well known houses.

Blanking

An arctic cold snap has hit the Midwest and over the last few days it has been 20 to 30 degrees below zero with the wind chill overnight. It has been so cold, that I may have to give up (blanking). If you don’t know, I like to (blank). It makes me feel good and relaxes me. After a long day at work, I like to come home eat dinner and later on maybe I'll (blank). For most of my adult life I have (blanked). I started to (blank) when I was a teenager thinking that it was cool.

I (blank) at home and I have (blanked) in my car and have even (blanked) at friends houses. Yes… I even (blank) outdoors. I know what you’re thinking when some of you’ve seen me (blank). You may think why do you need to see me (blank). Why can’t I just give up (blanking), or just do it at home? But I don’t care, I can’t stop the Madness. One day when I will look in the mirror I may not recognize myself anymore. I know that (blanking) has caused me financially and I have lost friends and loved ones. It may even take its highest tool on me one day. If I only knew then what I know now, my life would have been so much different.

The (blank) that I am refereeing to is of course smoking. I don’t smoke, but today when I walked into the building I was amazed that there were still several die hard smokers out in the bitter cold killing themselves slowly. There is this one person that I don’t know exactly what they do, but it seems that no matter what time I walk in or out the door they are there. I am amazed that their supervisor has not said something to them. Got to love them unions.

Odd Shorts

Kevin Federline passes on 25 million dollars offer in divorce proceedings. What does he think he brought to his marriage and how did he improve her money earning potential?

Tyra Banks is fat? Come on now, she weighs 160 pounds standing 5’ 10”.

84 year old WWII vet hits Powerball lottery for $254 million dollars. I think he’s going to take the one lump sum over the 30 year payment method?

George Hood a 49-year-old Aurora resident rode a stationary bike 85 hours to set a world record. My butt hurts just thinking about it.

Highway to Hell

It happened again yesterday... It was Friday morning and I was late heading to work (go figure). The good news was that the traffic was light and I was doing great time heading into work. Just as I thought I might make it to work twice on time this week I approached an 80’s dark blue Buick sedan doing 60 in the fast lane. Don’t get me wrong on most days I would be jumping for joy doing 60. However, on this day when there was no one in front of this guy for a quarter mile, I really didn’t enjoy the drive.

To make matters worse he didn’t have the concept of going at one speed down pat yet. He kept speeding up, slowing down and speeding up again. It was a real distraction. Why can’t some people understand that most of us are running late in the morning and that minimum speed that they should do is what everyone else wants to do. If they don't want to do that speed, then they should move over a lane. I was thinking of passing him on the right, but the people in that lane were going slightly slower then this guy and that was no advantage. After 10 miles, this guy puts on his blinker and starts to move over in the right lane. However, before I had a chance to pass him, he moves back in the fast lane and proceeds to make my morning a living hell. Another five miles, and I was at my exit ready for a new day of work. Unfortunately, I was five minutes late for work. Oh well, at least I was on time once this week : )