Perfection

Itchy team finished their basketball season yesterday and they went undefeated. It was the first time the team had ever had a perfect season. I guess PPTPW must have worked as they finished 20 - 0. I remembered a mid season game where they played a rival school. Our coach had graduated from the rival school and told his team that when he played for rival team they would consider our schools teams soft. The team looked at themselves and didn’t know what the term meant. So he had to explain it to them first, but with his team that term didn’t fit as routinely they are diving on the ground fighting for a loose ball or tearing a rebound out of opponent’s hands. He used this as motivation to get the team out of a funk… they came out the second half and pounded the team winning by more then 30.

The part that I regret the most is not being able to be at the game as I had to work late to finish a project that needed to get done. I would have liked to have seen their faces as the clock wound down to 00:00…

PPTPW

That's the acronym for Itchy's basketball team. After not even wanting to try out for the team this year, Itchy made the high school team. They have a very talented and deep team that I'm sure they will win more then they will loose so long as the team remembers the acronym.

PPTPW = Player Play, Tough Players Win

So you want to date Itchy....

These are the ten rules that you will need to adhere to...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pnumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Mackinac Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like clean up the garage?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a out of shape, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and an open field behind the house. Don't trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over the desert dunes near Baghdad. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Say the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car... there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Itchy goes to Camp

Itchy is at bandcamp this week. Band is a really BIG deal at the school. When Norm and I were in high school we also had band camp... ok, Norm went to band camp, I never had the fun as I was at football camp during the same time period.


I can't wait to hear of the stories that happened today. I'm sure that it wasn't all fun and games...

Itchy came home excited and tired. Apparently, they were on the field for six hours of the day and practiced their routine. The were in the camp for 13 hours today and it's going to be the same thing for the rest of the week.

The band is not only going to march at the home football games but just about every week they are off to a competition. Last year they were one of the top three bands in Michigan.

Good luck to them this year.